Kingdom of Heaven, Faster Internet and Piracy

I’m a big fan of movies. One movie, I particularly enjoy watching over and over again, is the Ridley Scott epic, Kingdom of Heaven.  It’s about heaven. No, it’s not. It’s about the crusades, Orlando Bloom finding out that Liam Neeson is his father and in turn inherits a vast land in Jerusalem and in turns has an affair with Eva Green who is married to the dude from Aeon Flux and Kangaroo Jack, and the brewing tension between the Catholics and the Muslims which was slowly slipping into an all out Jihad. It’s an awesome, fucking, film.  However… no matter how simply idiotic my quick-wit description of this film sounds, this isn’t the entire story.

Apparently, Ridley Scott was all, “Hey man, this isn’t the cut I wanted to show to the public”.  So, 5 or so months after the theatrical release (which pwned the theaters, btw), they released a Director’s Cut Version, that included 45 minutes of new footage, a couple of new characters, loose ends tied up, and was reported to be the version the Mr. Scott wanted to release in the first place.  Now before you cynical bastards start clamoring, “They just wanted more money!!!”, this wasn’t similar to the Iphone 3Gs/Iphone 4 fiasco.  The initial release already made alot of money, and the new release wasn’t even supported by the distributor.  As expected, the new version was more critically praised than the previous one (which I think says a lot about Ridley Scott’s storytelling capabilities… up until Robin Hood).

I can see why this would need a director's cut release

Upon hearing this, of course I wanted to see that new version…which I only found out 6 years later (last month, actually). However, I didn’t just wanted to see any normal DVD copy, no no no, I wanted to see an HD copy of this version. Thats the only way I can assure myself of utmost satisfaction while watching this film (that and mood lights…and maybe while in a full suit of armor).

That means that I have two options to fulfill my movie needs: 1) I buy the damn thing (which was never going to happen) or 2) I download the shit out of it (which happened).  This is where everything goes south… no, not because of the movie (I actually haven’t seen the new version yet, hence I have no proper review about it), it went south because of the process by which i torrented the fuck out of that thing.

Photo by Don Reisinger/CNET

It took me almost a month to finish downloading the Director’s cut version! Now, I know anti-piracy advocates would jump for joy at my apparent misfortune and for that I respond, fuck off.  Try buying an awesome-ass movie off the internet and see how that goes you jerks.

Anyway, the wait was awful, and just downright annoying.  I just couldn’t get over the fact why the internet was so slow, why lo and behold, other people (mostly from other countries) were enjoying internet speeds as fast as a fat kid running after chocolate…and the sad part is, Piracy is 100% not tolerated (oh the perks people get).  An article written by a friend of mine provided a pretty clear explanation as to why the internet is so slow in the Philippines (coincidentally, the title of his article, is in fact, “Why is the Internet so Slow in the Philippines”) .

Here he is as an Egg, declaring war against Mickey Mouse

According to his sources, the Philippine internet is among the slowest in the world, ranking 125th our of 169 countries with an average mbps speed of 1.98 (mine is around 1.00).  As compared to South Korea (who’s present diaspora into the country is the one to thank for the multitude of “Happy Gaming Internet Stores” around the country) which ranks numero uno (number 1) with an average speed of 32 mbps (WTF).  Which makes this writer ask 2 questions:

1. Why leave?

2. Is that why you guys always beat me in online games of FIFA 10?

I agree with the article in question when it comes to the notion of ISP competition.  PLDT recently bought SUN cellular for over 74 Billion Pesos  which means that a) Globe better watch his ass and 2) Competition is gone.  Things are going to go back to a monopoly.  And when it comes to our Internet…well, we’re basically fucked.  Some countries have more than 10 telecom providers… we have 3.. Well, we had 3…now we have 2.

So cherish your 14 hour downloads for a 700mB file, and your crappy-ass online gaming performance records… cause things are about to get worse.

Have a nice day!

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