2013 Philippine National Elections: Tips and Tricks

So… I just voted and it only took me 25 minutes in total (give or take, 8 minutes walking to and from the voting area from my parent’s house. I feel, it’s my civic duty to share with you some “tips and tricks” to getting through this whole shindig in under 30 minutes. Just like a fresh, hot, pizza delvered at your doorstep, we can now deliver fresh…warm… votes (?) straight to COMELEC.

1. Wake up late

Most people view the elections like Christmas. You just cannot wait to go through it. Some, view it like Christmas, but with a little animosity. You just can’t wait to get it over with. I like to view the elections as any normal day in my life: I wake up the latest possible  time for it. Whatever happens, my vote still counts, and I still reserve the right to complain about what the fuck the government is doing, simply because I still voted.

I got home at around 5am last night, and was supposed to go with my mom to the polls at around 7am. Of course, that didn’t happen. End result? My mom ended up finishing at 11am. I left the house at 3pm, and got back by 3:25pm. Life hack? Maybe. True story? You betcha.

This was me at 7am today. I was also a blonde-haried, white kid that hour.

2. Don’t bring useless stuff that will hinder you from completing your objective

For fuck’s sake… don’t bring cameras, or phones, or whatever, with you to vote, you don’t need them. Not only will this cause you to deviate from your prime objective (“Oh, a celebrity… gotta tweet this”, or “Oh, my neighbor voted, gotta take a photo of her index finger, and Instagram this bitch”, or, my personal favorite, “Eh… Imma have a smoke first right in front of the poll entrance”), but it will also make you a fucking rude, d-bag, obnoxious asshole. Apart from being a rude, d-bag, obnoxious asshole (I smoke. But who the fuck smokes a cigarette right IN FRONT of a building’s entrance?), this will add minutes to time you simply cannot waste.

Come on guyz… Voting is just like Straight Dude shopping. You establish what you need to do, and you go into a store with just that objective in mind.

Seriously. If all these alerted, while you’re voting… you’re fucked

3. Have, at the very least, a little research prepared

It doesn’t even need to be “a little research”, it could be next to none for all I care, but make sure you have a vague idea of you’re going to vote for already. It saves shit-load of time, believe me.

For my part, I promised 2 things: 1) I will not vote for any politcal dynasty-candidates, and 2)Fuck Nancy Binay and the Horse she rode in on. And I’m glad to say, I stuck with my principles.

“But Tommy, aren’t you supposed to have a thorough research on the candidates? So you can vote wisely, and shit??” True. But, for fuck’s sake, don’t do the thorough research while filling up the ballot (Which also connects with #2… Don’t bring useless shit). Believe it or not, I sat with some kid who actually complained about his SMART 3G signal, cause he couldn’t research on his bets… while he was sitting there, filing up the fucking ballot. Ay, Caramba.

Another “research” you could do, is find out where your precinct is. You can do this by going to the Comelec Website. Just enter your name, and birth date, and it’ll show you where your precinct is… and if you’re actually registered (If you do this early enough, and realize that you haven’t registered at all… Election day can actuall be a legit holiday for you)

Couldn’t find a good photo to represent “Being prepared”… Her nipples went to Harvard with her, right?

4. Have Something to look forward to once you get home

Yesterday, I bought myself a sleek, swanky new ASUS Vivobook from PCExpress in Alabang Town Center. I’m no TechGeek… I’ll admit, I just wanted a laptop that was cheap, efficient, and looked bad-ass. Did I find them in my new VivoBook? Yup. And more.

So what does this have to do with #4? I couldn’t wait to get back home to fiddle around with it. The whole time I was walking towards the polls, and walking back home, I was thinking, “What else can this beautiful fucking machine provide me with?”

So… for my final tip… have something to look forward to the moment you finish. It could be an ongoing campaign for FIFA13, Lasagna, Sex, maybe the booze you hoarded from a few days ago… I couldn’t give a fuck. But if it’s going to make you go through the process faster, and without causing an inconvenience to others, then by all means, go for it.

Something to look forward to as well…

I know this may be a bit late (see tip #1…I tend to do things at the latest possible time…thus the name of this blog)… but the good news is, you could see the glass half full and see this entry as a 2016 Elections: Tips and Tricks. It’s up to you. Whatever. If you have already voted, good for you, congratulations on being a true Filipino. If not, hope this entry will help you out. If you have no plans on voting, you probably should, buddy. I mean, fine, you may be right, MAYBE 1 vote won’t count. But, I ask you this…

Are we really voting to change the country? Or are we voting so we can complain with due merit?

 

*Sidenote: My Globe 3G was actually quite fast. Don’t get what other people were on about on Twitter :/

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