Things to Make 2013 Elections Seem a Little Less Crappy, and A Little More Entertaining

Stumbled upon this little online article from UK’s The Standard. Pretty embarrassing stuff, if you ask me. I love my country, I love it to hell, and back. But sometimes, I just wanna fucking choke the life out if, y’know? Kinda like a cute puppy you wanna hug SO HARD but you’re just scared you might kill it (a bit morbid, I know… I’m sorry). But then again, what can I do? I am but one person. Out of a staggering 90+million around the world. What can I do? What can any of us do? Run for office? Nah. Too expensive. Bitch online? Yeah… but really, these dudes have the thickest skins… that won’t do much. I wish there was, at least, one thing we, as a people can do. Something we’re really good at, something inherent/intrinsic..maybe, even, innate, to us…

Oh. Yeah.. Make do. Persevere. Survive.

So…How do we do this? Easy.

1. Get Drunk and Talk About It… Constantly

A friend once told me, “Drunken discourse, often brings great insight”. Of course he also told me “Insecurity breeds pussy juice”, as well as “Time is a trick because I don’t remember”. But I digress. Whatever the context of the above statements (the first 1, for fuck’s sake), you just can’t help but agree with the statement.

How many times have good ideas come out of a drunken stupor? Most, if not all the time, we correlate “business meetings” or “brainstorming sessions” with getting royally shitfaced.

Have a laugh at the expense of the people you hate. Getting drunk and talking about what you, and your friends hate, is not as useful as actually begging for change, but it is more hilarious. Talking about it sober will just rile you up, doing it drunk will help you laugh the pain away. Or numb it. Whatever have you.

Just be sure everyone else you’re getting drunk with are on the same page as you.

“Cause no good story started with … ‘So we were out having our salads'”

2. Campaign for a “The Avengers”-like Movie starring most, if not all, the newly elected

Action films are awesome. Mostly because the scenes in most, if not all, action films are so retarded-ly impossible, that you just sit there, and tell yourself “This is so retarded-ly impossible” and have a good time about. Sounds familiar?

I know this was my sentiment this morning. When I found out certain people have been elected/will be elected into office by Tomorrow. I remember thinking “This is retarded-ly impossible” but I wasn’t having a good time at all. In fact, I was angry. But I’ve since mellowed down.

Now, I think, hey… There could be something here. Let’s fight for a movie/show/media whatever. Hell, maybe I’ll invest in such a thing. There ain’t no way I’m watching that fucking thing. Imma avoid that shit like the plague. But seeing as, these people were elected, and won by quite large margins, then I’m sure their supporters would gladly support anything they’re in. And I’ll be there to reap the benefits…

Unless they cheated. Then I’m fucked.

No bullets? No problem.


3. Watch them squirm in the Senate.

3 words. Miram. Defensor. Santiago.

Oh… Shit.

Personally, I feel that being elected in the senate, with little, to no qualification, and topping surveys, even amidst, public outcry, and clamor, is much like a teenager getting home at 5:30AM on a weekend after a night of heavy drinking, partying and recreational drug use. You think you’re immortal, until you open that door, and boom. Your mother is there standing in the hallway, with a cup of coffee in one hand, a visibly overused cellphone on the other, and and a “Welcome to Hell. We hope you enjoy your stay here, forever” glare.

Wanna know how I mellowed down this morning? I realized, that while there is literally NOTHING I can do to make the lives of these *select politicians a living hell… there is literally a bevy of things Miriam Defensor-Santiago can do to make them wish they never ran in the first place. I may not agree with most of what she says, but we do agree on one thing: We hate stupid people.


Really after #3 everything is pretty much up in the air.  I mean, after all, we are a very creative people. I’m sure we can think of ways to make this 2013 elections a fun, and nurturing experience for all of us. #2 could stem to an online comic book, or #1 could be a series of drunken tirades captured on video and uploaded unto YouTube where you will share the limelight with instrument playing cats, and drunk Canadians playing Slenderman.

Whatever happens, it is important to note that we’re really not helpless. I may have given certain idiotic/stupid/impossible suggestions, but in no way should you take this seriously (if you’re being serious… if not, it’s totally fun, believe me). The best solution for this years farce, is to educate ourselves and not let it happen again.

Otherwise, we’re fucked.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s