It’s Wednesday today. Admittedly, it feels like a Sunday… It feels like that awesome Sunday morning wherein you wake up hangover-free, the sun gleaming on your face, and for some fucked-up reason, you feel fully rested (even though you only had a terrible, terrible 2 hours of sleep). I’ll be honest, there’s a shit ton of work I should be doing right now, but for undisclosed reasons I really cannot (or do not want to) dwell on them. Let’s just say that my mind is going 100MPH at the moment. It can get pretty crazy when that happens. So here I am, tipity-typing on this thing like there’s no tomorrow. It’s one of those days where you just randomly start to question your place in this world, your own mortality, and where your life, in general, is headed. These things don’t come often, but when they do, well, hold on to your fucking hats, cause a whole ‘lotta thinking is about to go down. It’s always difficult to lose your place in life. Change is never an easy thing, but, thankfully, you’re not the only one to go through whatever it is you’re going through, and literally, billions more have gone through, perhaps the exact same thing (no matter how much your ego says otherwise). Be it a change in employment, living conditions, relationships, or losing your favorite shirt thanks to incompetent laundry people, change will fuck you up. It could be a grand fuck up that will take you upwards of 6 years to fully recover from (holy shit that’s alot), or it could be one of those things that you eventually brush aside a week later (also known as a ‘meh’ moment), one thing remains the same: something in you will change. Like most people who are randomly hit by daunting ‘feels’, I often escape to the Internet to find random distractions: Wikipedia, freakish articles, basically anything that can push the bounds of time until my negative sentiments, or ‘feels’, are over. Unfortunately, or fortunately (if you’re a glass half full kinda person), I stumbled upon my friend’s blog (Y’all should check it out, it’s going to be an eye opener), and stumbled upon old entries with me in it. This got me thinking of the Saturn Return. Apart from being a Parks and Recreation reference, it also talks about Saturn returning to the exact same spot it was when you were born. Don’t try to dwell on the physical science of this much, but basically, it states that every 29.5 years we, as individuals, undergo a dramatic shift, wherein we exit one stage in our lives, and enter a totally new one. Keep in mind, without letting go of what has transpired, but merely celebrating both the fact that it happened, and that we’re headed towards something new and different.
After seeing my friend’s entries it got me thinking, ‘if I saw these a year or two ago, I would most likely chuck this laptop out my office window, and smile as it plummets 20 stories down into the ground’. However, that wasn’t the case. Sure there were some instances of nostalgia, a little bit of remorse, but ultimately, it made me feel more…aligned. You gotta understand, for the past 2 years, I had, literally NO direction in life. Everything was up in my grill, and I couldn’t really muster up the courage to look forward to anything realistic. I was in that weird limbo of regret, idealism, and blame. It was fucked up. But now, looking back, I can’t help but feel optimistic. It’s funny because according to my research (which consisted of one Wikipedia entry) Saturn Return typically happens between the ages of 28-31, 56-60, and 84-90 (unless you happen to stumble upon the fountain of youth from Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade, in which case you’ll have a fourth return between the ages of 114-118, you future bag of bones), and I’m now 27… so that means, I’m either on schedule for my first return, or, if you consider all the factors I’ve been feeling for the past 2 years, I may be a little early. Which is, of course cause for 2 celebrations: 1) I’m on my way to recovery, and 2) I’m actually EARLY for an important appointment. This whole Saturn Return business also got me thinking about a lot more things. Relationships, for instance, is one of ’em. I had the good pleasure to share a few drinks with another friend a week ago, and he talked a lot about friendship, and keeping your circle small. Which, to me, made perfect sense. Keep your beers cold, and your circle small. A big circle is just asking for waaaaay too much drama. And, let’s be honest… no one likes drama. Except for spoiled 15-year olds who watch too much Reality TV. There are other things that I started thinking of too. Employment for instance, became something you do because it’s fucking time for you to be good at something, as opposed to making a shit ton of money (which I don’t do, anyway). Parents became the rocks they always were but you just refused to see as a child. Grandparents became commodities you’ll never, EVER, want to lose. Siblings became a source of inspiration and responsibility, and living alone becomes a challenge for you to be proud of, as opposed to something you fear. If this is what it feels to grow up, I suppose Jukebox the Ghost was right all along. In Adulthood, no one survives.